Jazz

Work has been a blast! The only thing that irks me would probably be the daily commute, but as far as I'm concerned right now, that's a small price to pay for what I get to do. And shitloads of people take the KTM to work everyday anyway, so who am I to complain?

First two weeks so far have mainly consisted of analysing past P&L statements and forecasting cash flows for different SBUs (Strategic Business Units; its a management dialect that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever). Other tasks have included helping out with updating figures on outdated Excel spreadsheets, tedious grunt work etc. Just today I was assigned to perform some cash flow forecast analysis for a few companies CIMB has investments in. But in general, I've been pretty relaxed this fortnight, since there's only so much I can do (the shared network directories are a bloody nightmare to navigate) I guess.

Colleagues and fellow management trainees have been really, really helpful and friendly so far; I thought I would go in and get shit for messing up or would have to go through a period of proving myself before being accepted. But nope, I called up a Director of Risk Management the other day, twice, to ask about some details for an Islamic home finance product. And he was really, really helpful and patient. I guess CIMB really does have an excellent company culture. My boss, busy as she is, sat me down on my 2nd day and patiently explained the function of the entire department.

On the minus side for now, my emotional deprivation for meaningful relationships has taken a nosedive. Colleagues are really nice, but I know I'm only gonna be in this department for less than 2 more months, and they've seen management trainees come and go like condoms. And I realise the rest of my life, for now, is going to be a routine of wake up, go to work, come back, plop on bed, rinse and repeat. At least I enjoy working with numbers and financial statements. But still, the thought of doing this for the next 40 years is rather daunting.

Pining for some romance right now, which is always hard on the heart and soul. Work-wise, everything feels perfect and cushy; its exactly as I envisioned it (except for the public transport part): walking into a cool-ass building, tapping the card on the security thingy to go in, having to "pop" my ears in the elevator by the time it reaches my floor, an awesome workspace with a super comfy chair, plus a kick-ass pantry and unlimited coffee. Also, throw in a perfect view of KL (well, maybe more of the Menara Maybank side). And toilets fit for hotel en-suite rooms.

It's bloody PERFECT. Except for the fact that on a Friday night, after a quick mamak session with some friends, I'm alone here, in my room, listening to jazz and hugging a pillow.

Step One

Tomorrow... Shall be my first step to achieving my goal of becoming a trader.

Insecurity

Last weekend before I officially start work. While I'm ridiculously eager and excited to start, millions of questions race through my mind. And it certainly doesn't help after reading Vault's Career Guide to Investment Banking. It's probably a good thing I got assigned to a support division (as opposed to, say, Corporate Finance), which'll probably help me slowly adjust to the job in a step-by-step way. But still, I can't really be sure as to how the department culture is going to be like. I'm confident I'll be able to give 110% for this; I'm just worried, what if my 110% isn't enough?

Lots of mixed emotions running through my head right now. This is really something I have always wanted, to work at an investment bank and slowly climb up through the ranks on the basis of pure merit.

Apparently I was born under a lucky star... Let's hope my luck holds out.

On a more cheerful note, I watched the first 4 episodes of "You're Hired" (TVB series starring Dayo Wong, man I love that guy), and it's made me a lot more excited about this placement in Strategy Development and Implementation. Also, it's given me shitloads of motivation, almost to the level of when I was 17. So I know, despite my misgivings and insecurity, everything's gonna work out just fine after all. Not to say that I'll be going around dressed like a bum giving out some genius advice, but rather... I've decided to be in the top 10% of performers of whatever I do. But right now, I'm still not sure what department I'll finally be assigned to after my first year. My sights are still set on Treasury and Trading, and right now, nothing can stop me... Except for myself.

Speaking of which, my interest in philosophy has been piqued; I shall download the book "50 Philosophy Ideas You Really Need to Know", print it out, and read it on my daily commute. And then I shall be able to spout nonsense and bullshit while sounding like Socrates to my colleagues. Then again, if I wanted to do that, I'd pick up a book on modern management. Hah.

A Clean Slate

He sat at his desk, slouched over the keyboard, the glare from the monitor reflecting off his spectacles. Facebook, Failblog, Youtube, Collegehumor, they had all failed to entertain him for the past four hours. His jaw hung open lazily, his eyes were half open. His heartbeat had slowed to a level usually reserved for endurance athletes at rest. An empty coffee mug stood next to his mouse, with a thin layer of caked-up, dried coffee residue on the inside.

Then, our odd figure sits up with a start. He remembers the blog he used to have. He remembers. He recalls his ID and password. Ah, but if not for the folly of youth! His old blog was, quite honestly, a painful peek into his awkward past. He decided to begin anew - Tabula Rasa, also reflective of his evolution through life, a result of his past experiences and serendipities.

And for that 2 minutes, his boredom was temporarily alleviated.

That's basically what's spurring me to continue on this blog. Past 3 years in England were shit, they were the most depressing 3 years of my life. One day I'll probably write about my experience there when I'm in one of my moods, but for now, I'm feeling really, really upbeat about life, and I'm not gonna ruin this feeling.

After 3 rotten years, I finally got what I went there for: a scrap of parchment paper with a chop and seal. It was kinda awesome, considering the mental effort I put in to it. Although what I cheated the university in terms of mental expenditure, I more than made up for it in terms of emotional attrition. A Phyrric victory, one might say. And that was what I thought so too.

Fast forward 3 months after receiving that scrappy certificate which my mom could've easily forged, and now I'm so bloody happy. Heck, I could shit blood everyday and still feel on top of the world here! Malaysia is awesome. And after 3 sad years, I must say, so is my life. After the trough comes the peak, and here I am, emotionally on top of the world.

It's Wednesday, and I shall be starting work at a bank this coming Monday - 2nd Nov. Of course I'm looking forward to waking up at 6am and mashing in with the crowd of commuters every morning, since the office is in KL. I mean, who wouldn't look forward to the sweaty throngs of mobs of people? I've been assigned to Group Strategy and Finance - Corporate Strategies and Implementation, whatever that means. If I'm lucky, I'll be doing something Treasury or Trading-related so I'll be able to port my experiences and knowledge over. Training/probation period of one whole damn year, so you can expect me to be fetching quite a few coffees for the first 12 months of work... I'm lucky I got experience as a waiter.

For those of you who are super 'pat', I shifted my old blog.

http://exshannified.blogspot.com